"every little thing, is gonna be alright."

more and more i feel like a third wheel everywhere i go. i know the people mean well, but it's just been hard for me to think these kinds of things through. it seems like i'm a piece of crap standing next to you that nobody looks at. everyone just looks at you. i know that may seem like jealousy, and sure maybe i am. after all i've got nothing to lose. i've already lost my best friends, the person who i used to be before middle school, and i'm just waiting for that inspiration to spark in my life. nobody comes to help me though, nobody really cares though, but they all mean well. i know it doesn't make sense, and nowadays i never do. but really, when was the last time that you felt like a third wheel? just being there for the sake of being there. i need to stop living in the past and follow my own advice sometime. my friend told me to come out of my shell, and the answer to how is delayed. i'm not sure what to do at this point, i'm just waiting to sophomore year where things might make more sense to me. i need to be more broken down. this is the first night i've cried in a long time. i'm not even completely sure why the tears are there. but i know i put them there myself because i've been so stupid and unrealistic. i don't understand why people act like they do, but in a blink of an eye, they're strangers to you. i haven't met one person who will actually listen to me, have something to respond with, and just be cool with. someone who just never makes me feel out of the loop. and now i'm just praying, yeah PRAYING that maybe i will break out of my shell someday. i'm just holding onto that last sign of hope. i feel like a mockingbird, so fragile but i don't try to bother anyone or anything, just make pretty music, but then again it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. you know that? so for now, i'm just believing that every little thing is gonna be alright from here.